Self-Evaluation

This post is very “Stream of Consciousness” style

Lately, I have been doing a lot of self re-evaluation. 2011 is going to be difficult year but a great one. I have decided that next year I am going to push myself to the limits with my business. As I start to re-evaluate what I want to do with my business I am also starting to re-evaluate the way I raise my son (and possibly future children) and how I want to live my life.

Right now we are in the middle of the Christmas season. I use to love to go shopping for Christmas and getting gifts for friends and family. I use to be very materialistic and think that more is better. I use to think that you show love by giving someone something expensive or a lot.

I remember there was a time when I use to want to live in another country in a hut next to water where shoes were optional. I wanted to teach students, learn about other cultures, and make an impact in someone’s life; something that would change them for the better. I don’t know when it happened, but I lost touch with that person. Slowly, I am getting back there. I am only 27 and I have plenty of time to move and teach, and make that impact. For now, I am going to focus on impacting my son’s life, for the better.

Today I posted on Twitter and Facebook if I would be a cold-hearted mother if I told my son there wasn’t a Santa Claus. The general answer was “yes.” Some people said that I should teach him the real reason for the season. Others said that is fun to make them believe, even for a short time. One person said that I should let him believe in something magical because the world is so horrible and if I was going to tell him the truth about the tooth fairy.

Well, let me explain a few things. I am not very religious. I guess people would label me as agnostic. I do believe that there is a spiritual being. I take the bible for what it is, a book. I understand and respect that other people see it more than just a book but I have studied so many other religions and my general consensus is that everyone just wants to believe. No matter what book you read, or what you call your “god,” you just want to believe. I believe in being nice to everyone, regardless or race, class, color, or religion, or sexual preference (nothing ticks me off more than someone who doesn’t believe in gay marriage just because the bible says so. I know what the bible says, I want this person to think for themselves and tell me how they feel). So getting to my point, I don’t celebrate Christmas for Jesus (I do believe Jesus existed because that is what history taught us. Yes I am one of those that like facts and proofs). I use to celebrate it for materialistic reasons; buying and getting gifts. I can’t even say that it is about celebrating with family because traveling all over the city going to different houses, being cramped in a small space, drama (there’s always drama) is not fun. I told my husband that I rather travel out of the country during the holidays instead of going from family to family. I did have a twitter friend tell me to teach my son this is a season of giving. I liked that. I want to teach him to give and love and price tags and quantity does not matter. I don’t want to tell my son about someone named Santa Claus is going to bring him all these gifts because I feel that is very materialistic. For this reason, I have asked his grandparents to limit the toys he receives. I don’t want him growing up thinking that Christmas is about how much he can get. I plan to tell my son that Santa Claus is just a character that comes along with Christmas but it is his parents and others that love him truly are the ones that get him the gifts as a way for saying “Thank you” for being in their world because he brings joy to all of us everyday and that is truly a gift. (On another note: I do like to celebrate birthdays…..big. I like to celebrate them because you never know when you are going to see another one. I have known too many people to go before they should have. So therefore I do have themed birthday’s plan for my son…for now. It probably won’t be like that every year but for now I will do them. To me, they are another memory. Not sure if this makes me a hypocrite. Maybe, but oh well. I am not perfect.)

I feel that my love and care for my son is magical enough and there is not a fictional character that can hold a light to that.

Tooth fairy: I will be honest about that as well. Besides, kids mostly care about the money, not the fairy. I will celebrate him losing his teeth other ways; ice cream; movie; or just celebrate him for being such a sweet, special, boy.

I guess I am trying to do like every parent and do the best for my child. I am not going to deprive him or myself from good things but I want him to be appreciative of what he has and what he gets.

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3 Comments

  1. December 20, 2010 / 7:26 pm

    I realy relate to you in more ways than one & I so admire your quest to be the best wife & momyou can be, onyour own terms!!

    Merry Christmas to you & your family 🙂

  2. December 20, 2010 / 8:15 pm

    You know I'm not sure if I'm religious, but I do consider myself spiritual and the materialism around Christmas sickens me. Currently, we don't have children but my husband and I don't exchange gifts. We haven't for years because it always seemed like we were trying to "top" last year's gift. To me, gifts should have a meaning and should be bought out of genuine love for a person not because you feel obligated to do. So instead of gifts we spend more time with each other doing our "traditions" like tree shopping, making holiday meals, gingerbread houses, etc. So it's more of the time and love that we're sharing. We hope to share these more valuable traditions with our children when we have them. Of course we'll give them gifts. And we give each other things when it feels right. Not because a date on the calendar says we must do so. Same goes for birthdays, anniversaries, other holidays, etc. In regards to your son, it sound like you're rearing him to be a good human being and to me, that's the most important thing. He will discover the "truths" of life for himself in his own time. I don't believe in cramming anything down a child's throat. So why perpetuate a myth just because? Seems like wasted energy. The lessons you're teaching him are far more valuable. Keep doing what you're doing!

  3. December 27, 2010 / 10:24 pm

    This is beautiful piece. I thoroughly admire your efforts to teach your son about the gift of giving and appreciation. I'm a fan of Santa, because we all need to believe in something, even children. But at the end of the day, reality trumps fantasy and that is a value that you are doing so well to instill in your young child 🙂 Merry Christmas to you and yours.

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