Man! It has been a while since I have written anything here. How is it April already? Seriously?! The first few months have been a haze. My haze started about mid-December. I couldn’t tell you what I really did. I was just living, surviving, going through the motions. I am dealing with a lot of things right now and as much as I hate to admit it, the toll it has taken on me is much bigger than expected. While I have had true, genuine happy moments in the past few months, there has been sadness looming over me. And unfortunately I know it’s one I can’t control and it is a “time heals all wounds” situation. There are a lot of things I slacked on (such as this blog) and now I am using the new month and the Full Moon to get my shit together.
I pulled out a couple of stones that were speaking to me and placed them in dirt to be charged under the moon. I wrote down a few things I wanted to let release, took some meditative deep breaths, and burned the paper.
After the ritual I was feeling refreshed and renew. But I know it takes more than some deep breaths and burnt paper to make changes.
Right now the term “self-care’ is getting thrown around a lot. And sadly, it has turned into something that has become marketable. As you scroll through Social Media you may see or hear someone define “self-care” as getting their nails done, or having a spa day or “Self-Care Sunday” which consists of a thorough skin care routine, getting that coffee drink, or buying those shoes/purse/jacket/etc. And it all has to be documented for the masses because how are people going to know you are practicing self-care if you there isn’t a pretty photo behind it?
I will say, all that I have mentioned above are things I enjoy myself (except coffee-I don’t drink it) but it’s not what I would consider self-care. Lately mine has been less glamorous and Instagrammable. The boys are spending some time with my parents this week (Spring Break) and I took the time to clean and purge. My room had gotten out of control. Picture clothes (clean and dirty) scattered everywhere. I couldn’t even close my closet door. I saw there was mess creeping up everywhere but the sadness and tinge of Depression lingering over me caused me to not care or feel motivated to make any changes. But I cannot live this way and my major motivation are my two sons. While I put on brave face for them and they see a “happy mommy” I don’t want them to look back and put the pieces of the puzzle together and see that mommy was really losing her shit and was barely keeping it together. So I queued up a few podcasts (By the way, are you listening to mine, Self-Created? Yeah, not so shameless promotion.), and got to work.
You know when they say a cluttered space leads to a clutter mind (or something like that)? It is completely true. I instantly felt better. And it allowed me to focus on other things that make me happier (without feeling so guilty).
So, this is where I am right now. I really l need to do more posts like this.