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Oh Angie…..I so empathize with you.

As I have mentioned before, I am a huge Angelina Jolie fan. I love everything she does, on and off screen. Even though I have never met her (and I probably never will), I like to think of us as buds. I have read and watched numerous interviews she has done. OK, that sounds a bit stalkerish but I don’t care. Hands down, she is my favorite actress.

Recently she gave an interview to Sanjay Gupta and the main reason for the interview was to talk about the flood crisis in Pakistan. There is another topic that came up in the interview that everyone can’t stop talking about. Well, it wasn’t even a topic but people love to take one small thing and turn it into something huge. Sanjay had asked Angie (she prefers to be called Angie, btw) who she talks to about her mission trips. Her response was that she doesn’t have many friends so she confides in Brad a lot.

Websites had a field day with that response. Some sympathized with her and offered their friendship to her while others tried to analyze her and say this is very unhealthy.

Even though she may not know it (yet), Angie is my friend and I get very defensive when people speak of her in a negative way. No matter what it is.

If they had listened/read the interview carefully, they would have heard/read the part where she said that she doesn’t have a lot of friends. Meaning, she may have 1 or 2 good friends (or more) but she is CHOOSING to confide in Brad..

You’re probably thinking “Shanika, what’s your point? Why do you care?” Well, I care because I empathize. I too, just like my girl Angie, do not have a lot of friends.

After much trial and error, I would say that I have less than a handful. Maybe 3…..at the most. I can say that I confide in all of these friends differently. I think all of them know something about me that the other does not. It’s not that I am trying to be secretive but each friend is different and I treat and handle each one differently.  What I will say is that with each of these friends, I will never %100 confide in any of them.

You see, I am very self-conscious and insecure. I am very careful with what I tell people because I don’t want anyone to have enough “ammo” to use against me.

Why am I this way? I don’t think there is one specific reason. Just learned through trial and error, I guess. I have never been truly burned by someone. I learned at a very early age that girls can be cruel, sneaky, and vicious so I am not surprised or shocked by their actions. Hell, I’ll admit, I have been cruel, sneaky, vicious, and downright evil in different times of my life.

Sometimes it gets me down,  I wish I could have been that girl that could have joined a sorority and made “BFF’s for life” but that’s just not me. I’m 27 and I am at an age where I know how I am and what I will tolerate. For example, my sister and I started  a book club. For a few months it was fun and I enjoyed it but I wasn’t getting what I wanted out of it. So I quit the club. End of story. Of course speculations were made and a bigger deal was made. My feelings got hurt but I just said “Fuck it!” If no one understands me then so be it. Life moves on. And so have I. By the way, I don’t miss the book club. Nothing against anyone in it. It just wasn’t for me. Period.

Like Angie mentioned, she confides in Brad. It is the same way with my husband. He knows more about me then anyone. But I will say, I still guard myself with him. It has nothing to do with him. It is my paranoia and trust issues that I have with people. Not trust in “OMG! Will he cheat on me?”  but trust as in I don’t want people to have “ammo.” We are still newlyweds and we are still learning each other’s boundaries. He knows that when things have me down, it takes time before I am able to talk about it. Of course, he will always ask what’s wrong and sometimes I will tell him right away. Other times I will say “nothing” and he knows that I will come to him when I am ready.

So in conclusion, back up off my girl! Maybe she has learned through trial and error and has CHOSEN not to have a lot of friends. Maybe she confides in Brad about her mission trips because they share the same passion about that. Maybe she and her other friends have other things in common.

Is there anyone else like me and my girl Angie? Or are you an open book? Do you have lots of friend or just one or two?

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2 Comments

  • ernise

    I totally identify with your commentary. I have a handful of really close friends, but I'm a loner at heart. I'm not married, but in a long-term relationship. He's my closest friend and he's who I confide in as well.

    I am in a sorority, but I don't consider any particular soror my BFF. I enjoy the service I perform, but I don't really hangout with any of my sorority sisters outside of chapter events.

    As I've moved from one place to another in life, I've formed friendships (that I still maintain), but it is not the same as that I see of others.

    It is what it is, and I'm okay with it.

  • Eunice @ food4fit

    I don't have lots of girlfriends either. My boyfriend is my best friend, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. The person you plan to spend the rest of your life with SHOULD be one of the people you confide in the most, right?

    Sometimes, like you, I feel bad that I'm not out having "girls night" with a bunch of chicks, but that's not my style anyway…which may be one of the reasons why I don't have friends like that lol. I think women need a lot of validation (most of them anyway) and I'm just not a very gushy, mushy person. Oh well, I don't think there's anything wrong about the way you are or the way your bff Angie is, haha.

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