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Insensitivity

Today has been an up and down day. Mostly down. I was over at my parents today visiting and helping them pack up their china and crystals (they are stripping the carpet and getting new floors. They have to move everything. My mom has some great genuine crystal pieces, china, figurines??but I?ll save that for another day) and we were casually talking about a few things and my mom mentioned to me how someone in our extended family made a comment about my body. Mainly my weight. My whole life I have struggled with my looks.I have never felt pretty enough. I?ve dreamt about longer hair, lighter skin, smaller breast, smaller hips?..You can call it self-hate?.because that?s what is. I have never been fat. To my standards I am but I have mostly worn size 4,6,8 jeans/pants and get tops that range from small to large (depending on the cut). So yes, it is self-hate. I know it is. Not once in my life have I ever been completely happy with my looks. Truthfully, I?ll never be 100% happy with my looks. Back to the comment. My mom and I were on the way to my grandmother?s house to drop off my holiday card and since I am someone that dwells on things, I was still thinking about the comment.Well one thing led to another and I ended up having a mini breakdown in my grandmother?s driveway and started to cry. I couldn?t even control myself. Granted, I am not back to the weight I was before I had my son but I am still fit and healthy and could probably run circles around anyone in my family. I just don?t understand why people have to judge. Especially people who claim to be hardcore loving Christians that sit front row every center as if they are holier than thou. Effing hypocrites! I am seriously on the edge right now. I am ready to snap at someone. And when I do it is not going to be nice. I?m talking NC-17. Maybe it?s the pregnancy hormones. I?m all over the damn place right now. Speaking of pregnancy, I read that Michelle Duggar lost her child. Now, I don?t keep up with The Duggars?I couldn?t even point them out in a picture but since the news is interested you can?t but help to hear about their pregnancies and miscarriages. I read the news about the miscarriage and was appalled by some of the comments. People are saying it?s God?s plan and she didn?t need another one blah,blah,blah! What a bunch of fucking assholes! I was mostly shocked by women who are MOTHERS  making such insensitive comments. They should put themselves in Michelle?s (and other women) shoes and they would know this is not a time for insensitivity. When I heard about her pregnancy I was shocked and worried due to the complications she had but never would I say ?Oh, well? or ?It?s her own fault.? when she miscarries. I don?t expect everyone to be nice in the world but people should have couth. Rant over.

Living in Columbia, South Carolina and using this blog as my space to share a little insight into my life in what I'm making on the sewing machine, knitting needles, crochet hooks, in the kitchen, and elsewhere.

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