When I first met my ex-husband, texting was just becoming more mainstream and the only dating app that was well known was Match.com. If you are currently dating, you know it’s wild out there: texting, dating apps, video chat, Snapchat, and a shit ton of other apps I refuse to learn about.
Jernell gave me wonderful advice and tips on how to navigate dating apps; advice I will never use cause I’m still convinced I will find my person the way it was portrayed in 90s/00s Rom-Coms.
But, maybe the advice will help you.
Tips for Using Dating Apps by Jernell Simmons
- It can and will be stressful if you allow it to be.
- Time limit. Stay in control. Limit the time you spend on the app(s): small scale is 5 minutes a day and on the longer side, 20 minutes.
- Consistency. Let the algorithm do it’s thing. Jernell likened it to a file-system – you are at the back of the line when you begin. Depending on the app, it will take some time before your profile gets in front of the person who may be best suited for you (unless you pay). This process took her about 3-6 weeks.
- Multiple apps give you greater chances.
- Set intentions. Be clear on what you can give and what you want to receive.
- Mindset is everything. Look at it as an experiment. Say to yourself, “This is just a means for me to get found by people who I may be interested in but we’re just not in the same social circle.” If it’s stressful, dig into that and find out where that’s coming from and change it. Be aware of any feelings that may come up. Dating apps can be triggering and you may start to doubt yourself (“What’s wrong with me?”). If these feelings do pop up, don’t suppress them, feel them.
- Start small. Set up your profile and leave it alone. The following week, start swiping, keeping it to 1-2 days a week; pace yourself.
- Dating apps are another way of finding someone. It is not THE way or ONLY way.
- Keep your profile fresh. Update your photos every couple of weeks and change up the wording, this helps keep you at the top of the pile and will land on new eyes.